My Labor Story

Tuesday 3/15/16 

8:30am

I woke up at 8:30am with some contractions.  They felt like painful period cramps.  At first I wasn’t sure and thought they could be Braxton Hicks but they felt much different from the night I had those.  They were pretty painful.  Like the worst day of your period pain.  My wincing actually woke Joe up.  I had been sleeping on the living room couch for the entirety of my third trimester and Joe started sleeping in the recliner next to me.  We started keeping a log to time the contractions at 9:30.  We were trying to find a 5-1-1 pattern and wanted to see if frequency and pain increased.  It was all over the place.  Each contraction only lasted a few seconds.  They would start out like a wave, coming increasing in pain, being painful and then declining and going away.  We had a phases and stages of labor chart that said early labor would be 30-60 second contractions in 5-20 minute intervals and that would be from 0-3cm dilation.  I didn’t want to go to the hospital too early because if you aren’t dilated enough they would send you home (I think they ideally want to admit you at 4cm) and I wanted to make sure.  Plus it’s more comfortable waiting at home. 

It was hard to keep a log because it was all over the place.  There was no pattern to it at all.  Each contraction was only a few seconds long and they were coming randomly.  6 minutes, 5 minutes, 3 minutes, 7 minutes, 8 minutes.  Since they weren’t lasting even close to a minute we decided to wait it out.  I took a shower at 10:30.  We kept the log going.  7 minutes apart, 8 minutes apart, 3 minutes apart, just totally random.  Pain wasn’t really increasing, just staying the same but there were some strong ones here and there.  Joe would massage my back and roll a massage ball over it every time I had a really strong contraction.   Some of them hurt way more than others and some really really hurt my back.  Back pain was present for almost all of them.  Sometimes I only felt back pain, like the contraction was in my back.  Joe massaging my back really helped.

2:35pm

At 2:35 we decided to time each contraction since they seemed to last longer than a few seconds.  That too was all over the place.  30 seconds, 50 seconds, 40 seconds, 20 seconds, 44 seconds, 32 seconds, 26 seconds, 53 seconds.  There was no clear pattern happening.  Timing between contractions was also still all over the place.  6 minutes, 2 minutes, 7 minutes, 10 minutes, 3 minutes, 8 minutes.  And the pain of the contractions was the same.  Not really getting more painful.

5:33pm

At 5:33pm we started to notice a pattern happening.  Contractions were coming every 4 minutes or so.  Each contraction lasted anywhere between 40 and 58 seconds (I never hit a full 60 seconds).  There were still random timings in between but it seemed pretty consistent.  We decided at 6:30 that we would leave for the hospital at 7pm.  I ate dinner because I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to eat once we got to the hospital until after the delivery (something to do with the hospital afraid you’ll vomit into your lungs during delivery).  But right at 7:06pm it took 8 minutes for another contraction to come and it only lasted 38 seconds so I wasn’t sure if we should wait a little bit longer or not.  However, when I went to the bathroom I noticed some blood smear on the toilet paper so I told Joe it was definitely time to go to the hospital.

Contraction Summary (Last Hour)

6:02pm-6:03pm, 43 seconds

6:08pm-6:09pm, 47 seconds (5 minutes apart)

6:12pm-6:13pm, 42 seconds (3 minutes apart)

6:17pm-6:18pm, 46 seconds (4 minutes apart)

6:22pm-6:23pm, 42 seconds (4 minutes apart)

6:29pm-6:30pm, 40 seconds (6 minutes apart)

6:39pm-6:40pm, 52 seconds (9 minutes apart)

6:42pm-6:43pm, 50 seconds (2 minutes apart)

6:47pm-6:48pm, 42 seconds (4 minutes apart)

6:53pm-6:54pm, 40 seconds (5 minutes apart)

6:59pm-7:00pm, 54 seconds (5 minutes apart)

7:06pm-7:06pm, 38 seconds (6 minutes apart)

7:14pm-7:15pm, Left for Hospital

7:16pm

The hospital was 40 minutes away with no traffic.  If we didn’t get there before 8pm we would have to be admitted through the emergency room so we wanted to get to the main entrance before 8.  During the car ride to the hospital my contractions suddenly got a LOT more painful.  I kept telling Joe not to drive too fast, that we would make it just fine.  He wanted to drop me off at the entrance but I insisted on him parking the car and us walking in together.  We made it to the hospital just minutes before 8pm.  The front desk just told us to go to the third floor but the maternity ward was well under construction by then and nothing even looked familiar from the tour we had taken.  We saw no front desk, no signs that pointed us in any direction for admitting and nobody around.  We just wandered around the floor until we found a nurse that saw us and came over to help right away.  She took us to a room, had me put on a hospital gown and leave a urine sample.  She said I could wear a bra underneath the gown if I wanted but I was fine just wearing the gown.  It was actually more comfortable that way. When I undressed to put on the hospital gown I noticed more blood.  Like a light period.  I told the nurse and she said that was okay and normal.  She asked me a bunch of questions and hooked me up to two monitors.  One was to monitor the baby’s heart and the other was to monitor my contractions.  They were 2x2 inch plastic boxes held on with velcro straps.  Not really the most comfortable things in the world.  I preferred to roll over onto my side during contractions where it was less painful and Joe could rub my lower back.  She asked me if I wanted anything for pain relief.  When I said epidural she asked if I wanted it now.  I stupidly said I could manage for the time being.  She then checked me to see how far along I was dilated.  She said, “Woah, your baby’s head is right there.  6cm dilated.  I’m going to call for your epidural now.”  And then she had us moved from an exam room to a delivery room.  She put in an IV and drew some blood.

I am so freaking thankful that she called for the epidural when she did!  It took 20 minutes to half an hour for the anesthesiologist to show up.  I’m actually really happy we had that nurse.  Her name was Diane and she was so nice and explained every single thing perfectly.  She said what would happen and how it would feel and possible side effects.  She was very nice and comforting.  It made me feel more confident in what was going on.  She explained what the epidural would feel like.   She said first he’d put on a wet antiseptic and then I’d feel four bee stings and then a small flexible wire goes in and the needle comes out.  She actually showed me the wire.  I’d also need to be catheterized since I wouldn’t have any sensation down there and wouldn’t know when I needed to go to the bathroom.  She said I’d need two IV bags because of the epidural so I was hooked up to that as well.  The one thing I learned, never wait on an epidural.  Ask for it when you get to the hospital because it takes a while for them to come.  Thirty minutes felt like an hour.  By the time he got there I was in agony and crying.  My contractions had kicked up pain-wise so fast!  I would turn to my side wincing and crying in pain while Joe massaged my back.  “When is bee sting man going to get here?!”  I kept asking.

The anesthesiologist showed up with a cart and a can of coke.  The coke annoyed Joe who later told me, that guy shouldn’t be stopping at vending machines on the way to see patients in pain.  I didn’t care at the time, I just wanted pain meds.  Joe faced me and held both of my hands while I got the epidural.  It did feel like four bee stings but I was having contractions at the same time as getting the epidural so it was painful.  Once in, the anesthesiologist taped the wire in place all the way up my back and then hooked me up to a drip machine so it was regulated but I had a button to control getting more if needed.  He was nice enough.  He joked around saying that everyone is always happy to see him, that I looked like Sarah Silverman and that he thought I was 26 and can’t believe I’m 32.  The nurse mentioned that there were two other women delivering on the floor and one of them was having a natural birth so she didn’t want any pain medication.  Both the nurse and anesthesiologist commented, “Yeah, she’s doing it the stupid way.”  Then he left.

With the epidural I couldn’t feel the contractions at all.  It was totally pain free.  The nurse had to tell me when I was having contractions.  I could still feel and move my legs, they just felt numb.  Like if you sit on them for long periods of time and they fall asleep.  The hospital said they couldn’t find my pre-registration insurance/paperwork so Joe had to go down to sort that out.  While he was gone the nurse catheterized me but I couldn’t feel that either.  She said it would probably be better if he didn’t see her doing it anyway.  However I suddenly started feeling really sick like I was going to vomit.  She put a barf bag by my face and upped the IV drip.  Then she issued me a third IV bag and put a cold towel on my head.  It helped immensely and I didn’t end up vomiting.  Joe came back with all our hospital bags.  He decided to call his parents and let them know we were at the hospital.  He told them that he would call them and let them know when to come and visit.  Nurse Diane advised us to get some sleep and brought a small bag with a night mask, ear plugs and chapstick in it.

10:30pm

The nurse checked my dilation again, 7cm this time.  She told us to try to get some sleep and she’d be around to periodically check on us.  Our room was hot as hell.  I don’t think the AC was working.  Joe asked her to check it out.  I was allowed to have ice chips to suck on.  The nurse warned me not to try and chew them or I might throw up.  I had Joe put the ice chips in a wash towel I brought with us and put it on my head.  I had packed it just for that purpose only I thought during labor as opposed to just being hot.  Of course the hospital had towels to use for that too.  The nurse brought cold ice water, soaked a towel and put it around my neck.  That helped immensely with the heat.  Then we tried sleeping but it was hard.  We were in and out of it.  I kept sucking on my ice chips.  The nurse said to call her if I my water breaks or I feel a sensation in my rectum like I have to poop.  She said my doctor is was coming in at 6am for a 7:30 scheduled c-section and would see me when she got in if my water didn’t break before then.  If it didn’t she’d most likely break it.

Wednesday 3/16/16

1am

At 1am the nurse checked my dilation.  I was still 7cm.  At 4:15am I felt some kind of liquid sensation down below.  I thought I peed myself.  I called the nurse.  A different nurse came in since Diane was on break.  She said I’m catheterized so it’s impossible for me to pee myself.  She looked down and said it was my Bloody Show.  So I guess my mucus plug just came out.  She cleaned me up and checked my dilation.  She said I was 7 or 8cm.  She strongly suggested we try to get some sleep.  At 6am the nurse checked my dilation again.  I was 9cm.

At one point in the morning I heard ear screeching screams of pain as one of the other women on the floor had her baby.  I just heard very painful screaming that made me wince and feel very uneasy and kind of scared.  Then we heard a baby crying.  Joe thought it was amazing.  I was kind of freaked out and hoped that was the woman who didn’t want any pain medication because it sounded extremely painful.

Diane’s shift was over and I was really sad to see her go but she introduced us to our new nurse.  Before leaving she put up a bag of oxytocin.  Apparently I would need an IV of that after giving birth to help with contracting the uterus and prevent excessive bleeding.  The new nurse was an older lady.  She was nice and tried to be very helpful but she kept saying things that didn’t make me feel very confident or at ease.  She kept saying she was old school and that this thing or that thing was before her time.  She didn’t explain things very well like Diane did.

7am

My doctor came in and checked me.  I was 10cm dilated.  She broke my water with a small plastic hook instrument.  Then said she’d be back.

Dilation Summary

8:36pm was 6cm dilated

10:30pm was 7cm dilated

1am was still 7cm dilated

4:15am was 7cm or 8cm dilated

6am was 9cm dilated

7am Doctor came in, was 10cm dilated, Doctor broke my water

7:58am

I started to feel pressure in my rectum, like I had to poop so I called the nurse.  She told me that I would use that pressure to push with.  It was time to start pushing but I was kind of confused about the whole process.  The new nurse was the only person in the room with me.  She asked me if I knew anything about pushing and I said no.  She put up some stirrups and some handles to pull on and told me to put my feet up against the stirrups, not in them and pull on the handles while I pushed.  She told me to take a deep breath and then push for ten seconds with my head down toward my chest and then release my breath and try to do three in a row.  At first I wasn’t sure if she was just telling me to practice since the doctor wasn’t there and she was the only one in the room so I did a few practice ones but I didn’t really push that hard.  When she kept telling me to do it I realized she actually wanted me to push for real. 

I got even more confused and asked her where my doctor was.  She said the doctor doesn’t come until the baby is close to crowning.  She asked me if I wanted a mirror to see myself pushing but I said no at first.  I started pushing for real as hard as I could.  Since I couldn’t feel the contractions, she told me when a contraction was coming and when to start a push.  It was exhausting.  Very very exhausting and hard.  I felt like I couldn’t push a full ten seconds.  Sometimes I only made it to seven before I had to stop.  Sometimes I couldn’t do three in a row, only two.  I kept getting out of breath before reaching ten full seconds.  I was able to rest my feet in the stirrups between pushes.  The good news was that I didn’t feel any pain.  Just pressure.  It didn’t hurt, it was just hard to push.  I kept telling Joe that it didn’t hurt but it was just so hard.  So very hard to do.  He encouraged me.  He said he could see the baby has hair teary eyed.  At that point I decided I wanted the mirror to see.  It helped motivate me and let me know I was making progress so the nurse put up the mirror which motivated me to push harder so I could see my baby.  I only got a small glimpse of the head during the strong pushes.

Suddenly something happened and it was no longer painless.  It started hurting A LOT.  Words can’t really describe the pain.  It was the most painful thing I ever experienced in my life.  I swear the epidural must have worn off because it was a searing burning pain like nothing imaginable.  It felt like there was a flaming cantaloupe stuck in my vagina.  I started screaming my head off.  I started screaming so loud.  “It hurts!  It hurts so bad!”  I have no idea what else I said.  It was so painful I just don’t remember much of what happened after that to be honest.  I was hot.  Burning hot and I literally just pulled my hospital gown down off of me.  I didn’t care that I was naked.  I had no sense of time, how long I was there, what really happened after that or how long it lasted.  I just know I was screaming and crying.  Joe was there trying to help comfort me but I wasn’t aware of much. 

Suddenly the nurse told me to stop pushing and lay on my side (I later learned she was calling the doctor for the final push through of the delivery).  I couldn’t stay on my side, I just felt I had to push.  I had to keep pushing.  I felt the contractions and when I had an urge to push.  At some point the anesthesiologist came and gave me an injection into my epidural but I wasn’t really aware of him.  Suddenly my doctor was there and there were more people there.  Other nurses.  I don’t know how many.  I think three.  I was just screaming and screaming “Get it out of me!” and “I can’t do this!”  I have no idea what else I said or screamed.  They kept telling me to push.  That I was almost there.  At one point I thought I would throw up and Joe got the barf bag near me but I didn’t end up vomiting.  At another point I farted loudly or maybe I pooped, I honestly have no idea nor did I really care at that point.  The nurse said it was okay and to keep pushing.  Joe kept saying he could see our baby’s head.  “I can see our baby coming,” he said teary eyed and happy.  It motivated me to keep pushing through the pain.  I really just wanted it to be over.  I didn’t care if they did an episiotomy or used any type of surgical equipment at that point.  I just wanted it out.  My doctor said, “Just two more pushes” and she was right.  Two more and the baby was out.  I heard my doctor say it was a boy and she held him up.  Then he was on my chest in an instant with the nurses wiping him off while he was on me.  Joe was crying.  I don’t remember anything really.  Just holding my baby.  The placenta seemed to just fall out on its own.  I don’t remember pushing it out.  My doctor told me I had a minor tear and I caught a glimpse of her stitching me up.  She said a bunch of other stuff I barely remember at all.  Joe cut the umbilical cord but I barely remember that.  Our doctor asked if we wanted to see the placenta and showed it to us, I vaguely remember that.  I just remember holding my baby and being relieved it was over.  At some point Joe recorded me holding him but I don’t remember that at all (he showed me the video later).  I just held my baby for I don’t know how long.  Eventually I tried to nurse him but that’s a vague memory too.

I immediately noticed some distinguishing features on him.  He had a full head of black hair that was kind of long.  He had a cone head.  There was a cone bump off to the right of his head.  My doctor said it was because he was slightly off center and there was pressure when I pushed him out.  It also might have to do with how low he had been sitting.  He had some red marks on his right eyelid, almost like bruising (later I was told it was slight bruising that would go away in time).  He had a few white spots, kind of like pimples, on his nose and a tiny pimple by his left nipple.  I often wondered and kind of worried if a hospital mix up was possible but now I see it really isn’t.  I already saw some distinct features on my baby and they put two hospital bands on him immediately at birth.  One on his foot and one on his hand.  Joe and I got matching hospital bands to his that said my name, Boy, the date and time he was born.  Plus, they never took him out of our sight.

It all happened so fast really and I was in so much pain I wasn’t very aware of what was going on.  I feel like I had no sense of time.  I could have been pushing for an hour or twenty minutes, I had no idea.  Later a nurse gave us a rundown of the labor.

Labor Summary

7am Doctor broke my water  

7:58 Pushing started

8:58 I was told to stop pushing and turn to my side

9:14 I had a strong urge to push

9:15 More pain meds were administered

9:22 I started pushing

9:25 Our baby was born

Joe really got me through it.  When I heard him say he could see him tearfully I knew I just had to keep going.  He kept telling me I could do it.  He kept telling me he could see our baby coming.  He was there by my side encouraging and supporting me the whole time.  Seeing him crying because he was so happy was such a great moment. 

While on my chest, the baby pooped on me but I didn’t notice.  The nurses just cleaned it up while I held him.  Eventually everyone left but I didn’t notice when.  A post care nurse came in to attend to us until we were moved to a recovery room which took a little while because they had to get it ready and they told us we would have to share with someone.  I didn’t mind waiting because I liked having a room to ourselves for as long as we could have it. 

And that’s the story of the birth of our son Draven Le Vargas.  We struggled with a name for a boy for a while.  I think literally we finally decided on Draven a week or two before he was born.  It was either going to be Draven or Harrison.  Joe had also gone back to thinking maybe naming him Joseph Draven Vargas IV and we’d just call him Draven but eventually we just decided on Draven.  He didn’t look like a Harrison anyway and I wanted his middle name to be my maiden name.  Joe always liked that name from one of his favorite movies, The Crow.  And it was also his online alias.  I did look it up and it’s actually a Celtic name that means ‘a true leader, king with leadership qualities.’  In Old English it means ‘hunter.’  Urban dictionary says it means ‘child of beautiful shadows’ but I’m pretty sure that’s just made up.  And modern American interpretation of it for a girl’s name is just ‘the Raven’ but that’s also just made up.  Honestly a name can mean anything you want it to.  It’s personal and special to you so who cares about whatever else.  

Visiting

Joe’s mom and sister had showed up right before I was starting to push.  It was very annoying and stressful because Joe had told them when he called the night before that he would call them when they should come but they didn’t listen.  It made me very upset because I was literally in the middle of labor trying to concentrate and they were there trying to walk in on me.  It’s so very rude to just show up.  Joe went out and told them to go to the waiting room.  I was so mad and upset that they came when they did.  I didn’t want them there hearing me scream and say whatever it was I said while in labor.  They might have heard me say something negative or they might have heard me screaming my head off.  I didn’t want them to see me like that.  Giving birth was super personal and private to me.  I didn’t want them there and it was super wrong of them to just show up like that.  Plus, immediately after birth is the time for mother and child bonding.  I wanted an hour of skin to skin contact with my baby.  Meaning, skin to skin.  I was not wearing a shirt.  I was basically naked.  They would have to wait the full hour until I was done bonding with him first.  Another thing was that I had just given birth.  I looked terrible.  Exhausted, sweaty, covered in fluids, my hair a mess, my face looking worn like I’d just been through a trauma.  I didn’t want anyone seeing me like that.  On what planet would I be in the mood for visitors immediately after giving birth?!  What were they thinking?!  Joe and I had originally agreed to call them after our hour of skin to skin and once we settled.  But they just didn’t respect our wishes or listen.

Because they came so early they weren’t able to hold the baby.  He was clean but didn’t have a bath so he was still technically covered in amniotic fluid.  I was still bonding with him and not up for talking to or entertaining visitors.  Joe let them into the room in small groups.  First his mom and sister.  They could see me holding the baby and see the baby but that was it.  Then his brother, sister in law and niece.  His other niece wasn’t there.  They all just caught a glimpse of the baby on my chest.  And I was barely wearing a top.  I pulled up a baby blanket around us to cover up.  Joe’s best friend had also come and was able to peek in.  It just wasn’t an ideal time for visitors.

After showing them out I asked Joe to call my father and uncle to tell them.  I wasn’t feeling up to calling myself and I was recovering and spending time with my baby.  So Joe went out to the hall to call them for me.

Post-Birth

Our nurse’s name was Pamela and she was great.  I was so happy to have her helping us out.  She did our baby’s medical exam.  Joe stayed with our son, standing over him, holding his hand and talking to him through the whole exam.  She weighed him (7lbs 11.5 oz), measured him (20.5 inches), measured his head (14 inches), put the antibiotic ointment in his eyes, gave him his vitamin K and Hep B shots, made his footprint indentations, wrapped him in his hospital blanket, put his hospital cap on and wrote/typed up some other paperwork.  I obviously didn’t get out of bed.  Joe helped her out with questions she had and collected all the paperwork.

After his little medical exam, Joe got to hold him for the first time.  I didn’t even realize that Joe hadn’t held him yet.  “Is that the first time your holding him?”  I asked him.  Joe said yes teary eyed.  Nurse Pamela suggested Joe have skin to skin time with our son so Joe did that and held him for a while.  I filled out his baby book and had her put his footprints in it.  At some point a breakfast tray came in with toast eggs and grits.  I hadn’t eaten since right before we left for the hospital but I honestly didn’t have much appetite.  I ate the toast and grits.

I had to go to the bathroom and it was quite a process.  I wasn’t allowed to get up and walk by myself the first two times because the nurse had to be sure the epidural wore off and I wasn’t numb anymore so she helped me into the bathroom.  She laid out all the materials I needed and explained what I was supposed to do.  Basically while peeing there was a sharp sting because of the stitches so she gave me a squirt bottle and I just squirted water on it the entire time I peed.  I wasn’t allowed to wipe but I could pat dry it, though I ended up just using the squirt bottle to clean since I didn’t want anything touching down there with the sting.  She also gave me a pain relief spray to spray down there.  Then I had these huge white fishnet type boyshort granny panties to put on.  Inside of those went an adult diaper and in the bottom the diaper I put a huge cold pack pad. 

The doctor said I would bleed very heavily like a heavy period for a few days but it would gradually taper off and not to be concerned if blood clots came out.  Only if lots of clotting came out and it didn’t slow down over the next couple of days.  Honestly, it wasn’t really like having a heavy flow period at all.  It was like I was hemorrhaging to death!  I had to keep changing the adult diaper and cold pack my entire hospital stay and it got completely filled up every time I went to the bathroom it needed to be changed.  They even had heavy blanket pads to put down under me while I laid in the hospital bed.

A lactation lady came in to talk to me at one point but I was too tired to ask questions and the baby was asleep.  It was the end of her shift and she was leaving anyway.  I know I should have had her show me how to breastfeed and talked to her but I was just so very exhausted and I figured breastfeeding would just come naturally.

Recovery Room

Finally we were moved to the recovery room and it was terrible in every way imaginable.  We had to share a room with a woman who had a c-section.  Thankfully we were on the side nearest to the bathroom because she wasn’t able to use it anyway.  However, the room was small.  Way too small to accommodate two people.  There was nowhere to put any of our stuff.  We were crammed for space.  A privacy curtain went around us but just barely.  There was only a chair by my bed for Joe to sit in.  There was a tray at the foot of my bed for holding stuff but we had so much stuff it was hard to find places to put things.  Especially when food trays came.  They put a little hospital crib by my bed for the baby but it barely fit.  We had our suitcases behind the chair against the wall but we were so crammed it was hard to reach and get to them.  They gave us a complimentary gift basket with granola snack bars, soap, lotion, shampoo and conditioner, a wash sponge, water and trail mix inside.

In all honestly we didn’t end up really using our packed hospital bags almost at all.  With all the heavy bleeding and having to take my top off to breastfeed I just ended up wearing my hospital gown the entire time I was in the hospital.  It was easiest to just take the hospital gown off and go to the bathroom than to fuss with clothes.  Plus the hospital gown just pulled down easily whenever I tried to breastfeed.

I couldn’t remember much of the first few hours in the recovery room.  I think I mostly tried to breastfeed and fell asleep here and there.  Someone came in and drew some of my blood.  Joe and I took some pictures to make a Facebook announcement which I was happy with.  I looked much better than I did earlier.  In fact, after settling into the recovery room would have been the perfect time for visitors.  Someone came in to take a survey of how our stay was going.  She brought us a stuffed kangaroo and a giftcard to subway.  I mentioned how wonderful Diane and Pamela had been.  Joe learned from the nurse how to change our baby's diaper and took care of all the diaper changes during our stay.  Our son didn’t like having his diaper changed and cried every time.  The nurse even mentioned that he has a very loud cry.

Breastfeeding wasn’t easy.  They had a Boppy nursing pillow for me to use.  They also came in and attempted to help me get him latched several times.  The cross cradle hold seemed to work best for my left side but the right side was a little harder to find the right position.  The nurses kept putting him in the football position but I didn’t like it at all.  It was hard for me to hold him and I felt he was being squished in and falling through the hold.  Though it did seem he had an easier time latching onto the right nipple in football hold than the left.  Still I wasn’t sure if he was getting anything.

The nurse wanted to take our baby for his first bath.  He still hadn’t been properly cleaned since he was born (they recommend a bath ten to twelve hours after delivery).  Joe went with him to see his bath.  I just wasn’t feeling up to it.  Instead I took a shower myself since I figured I was probably covered in fluids and such from when he was placed on my chest and with all the heavy bleeding I wanted to clean up.  The shower didn’t hurt my nether regions at all but there was heavy bleeding the whole time I was in the shower.  It was the one time I did go into my packed hospital bag (to get my toiletries).  The nurse had put an entire bucket of supplies for me in the bathroom which included the granny panties, adult diapers, cold pack pads, pain relief spray, squirt bottles plus some witch hazel pads that were to help with anal itching and burning.  I did end up trying to use some of the witch hazel pads down there but I don’t know if it helped with the pain.

I was told my doctor prescribed round the clock ibuprofen for pain plus stool softeners and I’m not sure what else.  I literally just swallowed down any pills that were given to me.  Apparently the uterine contractions can be as painful of labor contractions so if pain meds were offered, I just took them.  There were time limits between when I could take my ibuprofen but intermittently they would give me Tylenol with codeine.  I got the most painful contractions while breastfeeding but for the most part the steady stream of ibuprofen worked.

Our son’s godmother stopped by to visit us around 7pm which was literally the perfect time to have visitors.  We were winding down at the end of the day adjusting to everything that happened and being in the hospital.  Feeling a little better and at ease.  Really the end of the day in the recovery room is the best time for visitors to stop by.  The baby had a bath and was clean and calm and sleeping so she was able to hold him.  She was actually the first visitor we had who was able to hold him.

First Night

The first night at the hospital with our baby was a total nightmare!  I had so much trouble breastfeeding.  My baby couldn’t latch on and nothing seemed to be coming out.  I had tried during the day off and on and he seemed able to get a little bit of a latch on the right nipple but we did have trouble with the left.  Even then I wasn’t sure if he was getting anything.  I didn’t think much of it at the time since I thought it would just happen naturally eventually but at night it was a real problem.  He kept crying and crying.  He had a natural urge to suckle at my breast but nothing was happening.  He couldn’t latch on and nothing was coming out.  I tried and tried to feed him but eventually he got frustrated and started screaming and pushing my breasts away.  He cried and cried all night.  I was so depressed and upset.  I had been leaking milk my whole pregnancy, why couldn’t I feed my baby now?  Why wasn’t my body co-operating?  My baby was so hungry.  Joe kept attending to him non-stop trying to comfort and soothe him.  On top of that it was super stressful because of the shared room.  We felt bad disturbing the other woman whose baby was pretty quiet.  Our baby just wouldn’t stop crying.  We tried our hardest to be quiet and whisper knowing she was there but there was nothing we could do about the crying.

We called the nurse.  She said that my colostrum likely hasn’t come in yet.  That it would eventually but right now there was nothing I could do.  She said that the baby wasn’t starving, that he’d be okay and I’d be able to feed him eventually but the only thing she could do would be to give him formula which would hurt my chances of being able to successfully breastfeed.  This night nurse I’m sure knew what she was talking about but she seemed rather cold to me which didn’t help how I was feeling.

Joe and I got no sleep the entire night.  Our baby just cried and cried as if he were starving to death.  Joe held him almost the entire night sitting in that uncomfortable chair.  He got no sleep.  Since there was no bed for him and the room was shared the nurse had originally told him he would have to leave and couldn’t stay the night but the night nurse never kicked him out or asked him to leave.  In fact, every time she came into our room to check on the other patient Joe was attending to him.  I don’t know what I would have done if Joe hadn’t been there.  He was so supportive and he tried so very hard to care for and calm our son down.  He had gone over diaper changing with the nurse beforehand and did all the changing.  He said he’d be an expert diaper changer before leaving the hospital. 

On top of that the room was hot as hell.  The AC stopped working.  We had to have the door open to have any coolness at all.  They had to call maintenance and it took a while for the room to cool down.  I was depressed, exhausted, tired, hot and sad that my son was crying and there was nothing I could do for him.

Thursday 3/17/16

Breastfeeding

In the morning the lactation lady came to see me.  She basically spent all morning with me.  Apparently I have flat nipples and they are too big for my son’s mouth so he can’t latch on.  I always used to be glad that I never got nipple headlights (my nipples never protruded out from my shirt or got pointy in the cold) but I didn’t realize it meant that I had flat nipples and it would mean problems breastfeeding.  The lactation lady brought me a nipple shield.  It’s basically a plastic nipple suction cup that you put on your nipple to protrude it out and create suction.  With the nipple shield the baby was able to latch on and suck but still nothing was coming out.

The lactation lady then had a breastpump brought to me.  It was a hospital grade Medela Symphony (the highest grade).  They also brought me a bag of the accessories that come with it, the tubing, suction cups, handles and canisters that attached for milk collection.  They brought me a log to keep track of my pumping and showed me how to do it.  The lactation lady said to keep trying to feed him with the nipple shield and then pump for twenty minutes afterward and try to do it every two hours.  She also showed me how to massage my breast tissue and squeeze my nipples for stimulation.  It didn’t seem to be working.  Originally the nurse put the 24mm suction cups on but the lactation lady had them switched out for the bigger 30mm ones.  They gave me a small bottle of soap to sanitize the pump supplies after each use and a small tube of lanolin cream for my nipples.  Joe took care of cleaning the pump and nipple shields every single time for me.

I tried the breastpump and was able to get 10ml total.  The left nipple had a little more in it than the right.  The nurses assured me that was a good amount.  They combined the collection into one canister, put a nipple on it and Joe was able to feed it to our son as a bottle.  They told me to rub the leftover residue over my nipple saying it was good for stimulation and soreness.  The lactation lady told me to keep trying every two hours and that the next shift lactation consultant would be in to check on me in the afternoon.

While I was trying to pump Joe’s mother and sister showed up to visit (without calling first!) and walked in on me.  I screamed for them to get out.  How rude!  Who the hell just shows up without calling, texting or checking first?!  At that point I was completely pissed and fed up with them.  I was having a hard enough time as it was failing to be able to feed my child and struggling with breastfeeding and pumping and for them to walk in on me at an embarrassing and vulnerable moment was extremely upsetting to say the least.  Joe told them to leave and they said they’d come back later.  I’m just beyond fed up with them.  They have NO consideration for me or my personal space or time.  I understand that they love the baby and want to see him and I’d be more than open to their visit but they need to understand that I have a need for privacy and they need to respect that and my time.  And CALL FIRST!

Contrary to them, my other close friend had texted me earlier and asked if she could come by.  Then she texted me when she got there.  I asked her to go to the waiting room since I was pumping and I’d call her in when done.  So when I finished, I called her in and she got to hold the baby.  This is how a normal person would visit someone.  It was really nice to see her and it calmed me down after being so mad, annoyed and embarrassed.  I’m lucky to have such great supportive friends and it cheered me up after such a stressful night.

After she left, Joe called his mother and sister in so they could hold the baby.  I tried to be polite but it was a little hard to hide my annoyance, especially since his sister said, “Are you breastfeeding?”  Again, I know they love the baby but boundaries!

I continued to try and pump every two to three hours as suggested.  Each time I got less and less collected.  It was a little awkward because I had to hold up the pump shields for twenty minutes and just try to hold them tightly in place.  Later I decided to do one breast at a time so I could have a hand free.  We gave our son the teeny tiny amount collected with a syringe dropper.  It seemed so inadequate and made me feel horrible.  I kept trying to feed him with the breast shield alternating sides but I just couldn’t tell if he was getting anything at all.  It seemed like he was swallowing and getting something on the left as he was able to latch on and stayed there so I ended up only pumping the right side for that session.  I probably should have done both but I was feeling unmotivated and defeated.  I could have tried harder.  At one point I looked at Joe and said, “Maybe we should try formula.”  Joe told me that I could do it.  To keep trying, it would just take time and I was doing it.

Breastpumping Summary

10:30am-10:50am collected 10ml

2:20pm-2:40pm collected 7ml

4:20pm-4:40pm collected 2ml (only pumped the right side since he latched on the left with the shield)

7:12pm-7:52pm collected 2ml (started pumping one breast at a time)

10:17pm-10:57pm collected 1 ml

At one point the pediatrician came in and did an overall exam on him.  She said that he has a mild jaundice because of the little bump on his cone head, which is a mild hematoma and all the red blood cells caused swelling.  But she wasn’t concerned and said it would go away in time.  She said to come into the office for another check up on Tuesday.  I could come Monday if I had any concerns at all but it’s the busiest day of the week for her practice.  Since the weekends are closed everyone comes on Monday.  

The mid-shift lactation consultant came in to check on me in the afternoon to see how I was doing.  She helped try to get our son latched on and had me try out various holds.  It’s kind of odd but all the nurses seem to handle infants pretty rough.  I trust they’re used to handling newborns every single day and know it won’t hurt them but she was really shoving him into my breast.  We tried football again but I really don’t like that hold at all.  It seems to make him squished and uncomfortable and it’s harder for me to hold him.  We did cross cradle for both sides.  We gave him whatever tiny amount of milk I was able to collect pumping with the syringe dropper.  It goes in his cheek and you slowly drop it in.  A syringe holds 1ml so being able to fill up two of them was encouraging.  Even though it looked like I was only able to pump a few drops, I was able to fill two syringes.

At another point someone came in to give him a hearing test.  He was asleep in my arms at the time and I just held him during the whole thing.  It didn’t seem to bother or wake him.  The technician just put some electrodes on his head and typed up some stuff in her computer.  He reacted a tiny bit to the sounds.  She said he was all good and gave me a certificate for him.

Early evening we were still struggling to get our son to sleep and I was still struggling with breastfeeding.  During the shift change I heard the cold nurse give a rundown to a newer nurse that was taking over her shift.  She talked about our baby and the baby next to us.  The baby next to us was pretty quiet for the most part.  Sometimes you couldn’t even tell there was a baby in the next bed over.  The mother had other children and she didn’t have any trouble breastfeeding so her baby didn’t cry nearly as much.  The nurse basically described our baby as high maintenance.  She said, he likes to suck and suck and suck all night, he’s a fussy crier and doesn’t like having his diaper changed at all.  Those are all true things.  He screams whenever it’s time for a diaper change.  He cries constantly whenever he’s not suckling at me and sometimes even when he is.  It didn’t make me mad or anything hearing that about my baby, it just made me sad I couldn’t feed or comfort him.

Breaking Down

The new night nurse came in to check on us.  She was an older lady with glasses but I didn’t catch her name.  She asked me how I was doing and I just broke down.  I started crying uncontrollably.  I had no sleep.  I was so exhausted and I was struggling so hard to feed my son.  I couldn’t stop crying.  I felt like a failure as a mother that I couldn’t provide for my son.  I’d been through so much at that point I just broke down.  Joe tried to comfort me.  The nurse brought me tissues and told me that ninety percent of women struggle with breastfeeding.  That there’s seemingly only one person out of a hundred that has no issues the first time.  To keep trying and that my milk would come in and that my son is just fine.  She was very nice.

Later my doctor showed up to talk to us.  I think it was about 9pm when she came by.  Yesterday she had said she would come and do our son’s circumcision today but we were starting to wonder when we hadn’t seen her.  It’s crazy the hours she works, especially since she’s pregnant.  She asked how we were.  I told her about my issue breastfeeding.  She said that everyone always acts like it’s terrible to give the baby a bottle but it isn’t.  That if I have to I can just exclusively pump and give him bottled breastmilk instead of trying so hard to nipple feed.  I mentioned I never received the breastpump from my insurance and she said she would call them to find out what was going on.  She talked to us for a while giving us a lot of tips.  She mentioned that she was actually pregnant with her first child and she’d been reading up on childcare.  I’m so happy I have her as my doctor.  She’s so easy to talk to, personal and kind and helpful.  She did make me feel better. 

For my care she said to keep taking the Colace and milk of magnesia as needed.  I honestly hadn’t pooped since before we left for the hospital.  I was in so much pain down there that I was actually afraid to poop anyway.  She told me that the bleeding should taper off.  That it’ll take six weeks to heal but that it’ll become less and less.  To call her if I had a lot of clotting coming out that didn’t slow down (it’s common to have a lot of clotting coming out the first few days) and to make an appointment for six weeks.  I told her I didn’t remember much of the labor and asked her if my epidural had worn off.  She said I had a very average labor and that’s honestly how it goes.  She said it’s probably good not to remember much of it or we’d never decide to have anymore children if we remembered how painful it was.  She said it’s common to tear and almost every woman does to some degree.  My tear was minor and average.  The stitches would dissolve on their own in time.

Baby’s Circumcision

She said she could do the circumcision now and gave us post-care instructions.  She said the hospital will say to wait 48 hours before removing the bandage but she said to only wait 24 because it’ll get soaked with pee and whatever else.  We just clean the area lightly with a wet cotton ball then pull the skin back a little and put globs of Vaseline/petroleum jelly on top (like frosting a cupcake) for a week.  I know that there’s debates going on about circumcision but I am pro.  I have a lot of reasons but the main one is health.  Studies have proven that there is a lower risk of UTIs, cancer, STDs and HIV infection in circumcised males.  She said it would only take five minutes and wouldn’t hurt him.  She’d numb the area and give him some glucose sugar water to suck on while it’s being performed.  I was still not feeling well even though I kind of wanted to go.  I was also only wearing an open back hospital gown with a huge uncomfortable adult diaper and bleeding profusely so I opted to stay in bed.  Joe went with him.

When he got back Joe said it was fine.  That he didn’t cry at all during the procedure but that they had to draw some blood and take some tests on him afterward and he cried during that.  I guess they pricked his foot and did a bunch of stamps on some kind of pad or something.  I think he said it was like 40 stamps.  Joe said for the first time our son was actually out of his sight for five seconds when they rolled him behind a pillar.  Joe said he had a first time slight panic since he hasn’t been out of our sight this entire time.  Kind of funny new parent jitters.  He came back swaddled up snuggly in a hospital blanket sleeping.

Second Night

For night number two Joe stayed up most of the night again to attend to our son whenever he got fussy.  He did much better this time.  Sleeping in both Joe’s arms and mine at various times.  I fell asleep with him sleeping in my arms at one point too.  Joe stayed awake to keep an eye on us, just to make sure I didn’t roll over in my sleep or he didn’t wiggle away or anything.  All in all it went a lot better than the first night.  Our doctor actually said the circumcision would make him sleepier.  And he did sleep a lot better this time.

Friday 3/18/16

First thing in the morning, I think about 6am someone came in to collect some blood.  I was in the middle of nursing.  I had gotten my son to latch on my right breast with the shield and he was sucking away.  I hoped he was getting something.  She did the other baby first and then came over and took our son’s blood while he was feeding.  She pricked his foot to collect a small tube.  It took a little while to get it but our son didn’t cry or stop suckling the entire time.  He seemed just fine.

Breakfast came.  They only provide food for me so I always ate half and left the other half for Joe.  He could have gone to the cafeteria to get something but he never left my side except to go with our son to his first bath and circumcision and to talk to his family when they showed up and call my family.  I had packed snacks in the hospital bag and kept telling him to eat something but he was so preoccupied with our son he just didn’t eat much.  And he really wanted to make sure I was eating enough so he didn’t want to take my food.  I was kind of forcing him to eat half my tray our whole stay.  This morning’s breakfast tray seemed to have less eggs on it and I was really hungry so it was the only time I ate the whole thing.  I asked Joe if it was okay for me to eat it and he said of course.  He would refuse to eat my food if he knew I’d be hungry anyway.

The lactation lady came in the morning to continue to consult me.  She checked my holding position and told me how to look for signs he was getting milk.  If he was making swallowing motions and noises he was getting some.  She said to keep pumping at home.  To feed him and pump afterward to get my milk production up.  I got annoyed that my insurance never sent me the breastpump that my doctor ordered and thinking about how we’d have to rent one right away now.  I asked about renting but she said West Hills Hospital no longer does rentals.  She gave me a sheet of places to call where I could rent one.  She also suggested that I rent a hospital grade pump since it’s much stronger than the one insurance usually sends.  She said the one from the insurance company will be fine when my milk arrives but for trying to build up production while I’m still only producing colostrum, she suggested the hospital grade type.  She also told me to take all the pump supplies that I was using.  I actually had no idea I was allowed to take all that stuff but she said it’ll just get thrown away since it can’t be re-used and it’s seventy dollars worth of equipment.  She said to even take the tubing.  To take everything except the actual pump.  She also said to run the pump with the tubing disconnected from the cups for a few minutes after pumping to clear out the moisture in the tubing so it doesn’t grow mold.  She said she was teaching a hospital discharge class and we were welcome to come.

The pediatrician showed up again to do a discharge exam on him.  After that, we were told we were good to collect our belongings and get ready to be discharged from the hospital.  We got all our discharge papers.  Our son had lost a little weight.  He was 7lbs 5oz leaving the hospital but I was told that was normal.  That newborns lose weight the first couple of days and gain it back later.  The mid-shift nurse that was overseeing our check out was super condescending and annoying.  I did not like her at all.  She kept making these snide remarks.  She asked us three times if we wanted to go to the discharge class and then before we could answer she said, “You don’t know” and walked away.  Joe decided to go to the discharge class because I wanted to stay and pump one last time as much as I could to take home.  I didn’t really do a good job of logging my pumping.  I got another 1 or 2ml at 9am.  We left the hospital at 2pm but before leaving I was able to get a pretty decent amount.  Around 7ml.  I was glad for that since I didn’t know how it was going to go when I got home.  The condescending nurse came back and said something along the lines of “You should take some formula with you since you can’t nurse yet” and brought me formula bottles and nipples.  Even though I didn’t like her, I was glad to get it all just in case. 

Joe used a cart to take all our hospital bags down to the car and bring the car seat up.  I got some belongings bags from the hospital and just took everything that they offered.  The best advice I could give someone is just take everything.  Everything the hospital offers.  Even if you don’t think you need it.  I dumped the entire bucket of bathroom supplies in one bag.  The breastpump stuff in another.  They gave us a package of diapers and several tubes of petroleum jelly.  I took the breastpump soap.  I stupidly didn’t take the two cold packs that were left.  I was feeling better and didn’t think I needed them.  Plus, even though they were cold, they were kind of hard down there so sitting on them was kind of stiff.  Later I would regret not taking them.  They also gave me a bunch of nipple caps for the pump bottles but I forgot to take those as well. 

They gave Joe my prescriptions for Ibuprofan and Acetaminophen.  I had to sign a bunch of forms.  The condescending nurse went over the discharge papers for me and the baby.  Joe had given the name of our son to someone earlier who put in for his social security card.  It would be mailed to us in fifteen days.  Once we got it we could get his birth certificate. 

It was kind of frantic trying to leave.  We were trying to collect everything and get organized.  We had so much stuff.  I dressed our son in a little onesie I bought for his coming home outfit and some little white socks.  I had a cap for him too but Joe said it was really hot outside so I didn’t put it on him.  The nurse gave us the two nasal aspirators to take with us that had been in our son’s crib that we’d all been using during his stay.  I guess they throw everything away if we don’t take it anyway.  Joe worked with the condescending nurse to get him in the car seat.  She made another snide ass comment like, “Oh you didn’t read the manual, huh?”  I was glad to be getting away from her.

A wheel chair came and I had to sit in it.  The nurse showed me how to hold the car seat while they wheeled me out.  Joe took some pictures and followed us with the rest of our belongings.  We texted our friends that we were leaving the hospital and sent them a picture.  The car ride home was fine.  He slept the whole way.  I stayed in the back seat with him shielding his eyes from the sun.  Now we’re thinking of getting the back window tinted to keep the sun out of his eyes.  It was too hot to put the car seat cover over him.  While in the car my insurance company called me about my breastpump.  They told me that I could pick it up today before 5pm or they could have it shipped to me which would take a couple days.  I told them I’d pick it up.  However, Joe and I decided to get a hospital grade rental first thing when we got home to make sure I’d be able to feed our baby.

 

 

Hospital Stay Summary

The hospital stay was horrible.  I’m not going to lie.  All the nurses kept constantly apologizing for the construction.  They kept assuring us that it was not normally like that and that things would be much better next time.  It was nice they were trying to make us feel better but honestly, it doesn’t really mean anything for us.  Our stay was right then and that’s the experience we had.  A super uncomfortable crammed shared room with no place to put any of our things.  Broken AC where it got unbearably hot in both the delivery and recovery rooms.  No comfort at all when we’re already getting no sleep.  Most of the nurses were super great and attentive.  That I will say.  I felt bad for Joe.  There was barely even any room for the small chair he had to sleep in/be in the whole stay but at least they let him stay and didn’t kick him out.  I seriously could not have managed without him.  Having to share a room and be aware of another person and their baby made us try extra hard to whisper and be quiet the whole time and made things stressful when our son started crying and wouldn’t stop.  The discomfort made an already stressful situation much worse.

We didn’t really use our packed hospital bags at all and they honestly just became cumbersome and in the way since we didn’t have any room to put anything anywhere.  I just wore my hospital gown the entire time.  I didn’t need to bring a diaper bag since the hospital provides everything needed for the baby.  The only thing we needed to bring was a going home outfit for the baby, our toiletries and food for Joe (though he didn’t really eat any of it and they did provide a gift basket of soap, shampoo and snacks).  I went home in the same clothes I wore to the hospital.  

Home

When we walked through the door of our apartment we found a surprise.  My friends had put up blue balloons, streamers and decorations around our apartment for us.  They left us flowers, cookies and chocolate on the table and a lasagna in the freezer and salad in the fridge.  We were so happy we both started crying.  We felt so lucky and happy and loved to have such great people in our lives who cared so much about us and our family.

In fact throughout the whole process we were both so emotional.  We both kept crying off and on at the hospital because we were just so happy.  Holding our son made us cry.  Thinking about our lives moving forward.  How our life together was and how it’s going to be now made us cry.  Little reminders of the before time of our life when it was just us made us cry.  When we got home Joe said that I slept on the couch for so long waiting for our son to come and we both started crying.  I started crying thinking about everything we went through and how I carried him for nine months and now he was here and I wasn’t pregnant anymore.  I didn’t know that day at the park was going to be the last day I’d be pregnant.  Doing the dishes I started crying thinking about how I used to be just doing chores for the two of us and now there’s three and our lives are different now.  Joe told me how proud of me he was.  He talked about the past when we first started dating and how he knew I could do anything.  He told me I was right, that having a family was the best thing in his whole life.  That he was sorry he gave me a hard time and dragged his feet but that this is the happiest he’s ever been.  That marrying me and having our son are the two happiest days of his life.  I told him how much I loved him.  How I couldn’t have done it without him.  How I wouldn’t have made it through the hospital and everything that happened if he hadn’t been there supporting and helping me.  That he worked just as hard if not harder than me to care for our son his first few days of life.  We both had so much love in our hearts for our son and each other.  It was all very emotional.

After getting all our stuff in, Joe called around to see if he could get the breastpump rental right away.  It was already close to 4pm and we wanted to make sure we got it before places closed.  Two of the places were all rented out.  Another only had one left so he went to go get it.  I also asked him to pick me up some adult diapers.  I only had one hospital diaper left with me and knew I’d need more.  I told him to get me a large size of Depends adult diapers.  Larger is better.  I had already stocked up on super absorbent overnight maxi pads from Walgreens beforehand.  I had two packages of 20 which I thought would get me through but I needed those PLUS the diapers the first few days home.  He also had to get some tubes of petroleum jelly for the baby’s circumcision care.

While Joe was gone I tried to breastfeed.  I noticed that there was a little bit of milk inside the breast shield so I knew he was definitely getting some.  I texted Joe that I saw some collected in the shield so it was coming out and he was texted back, “Yay!”  It was the first time I saw milk collected inside the shield so I realized it was actually starting to work.  After trying to feed him, I gave him one syringe full of the milk I had pumped earlier from the hospital.  I wanted to make sure he was getting something but I also wanted what I had to last in case I couldn’t produce anymore.

When Joe got back I immediately tried pumping.  He had also picked me up a hands free nursing bra which was great.  Sitting there trying to hold the suction cups on myself for twenty minutes was tiring.  The bra worked out perfect!  I was able to pump 8ml.  Not too bad.

Third Night

Joe and I took turns caring for our son all night.  It was very reminiscent of the very first night at the hospital.  He cried every single time we put him down.  He refused to be put down.  He wanted to be held all night long.  I continued trying to breastfeed.  We tried taking turns tending to him but neither one of us got any sleep at all.  There was only one stretch of rest where our son fell asleep with Joe holding him in the recliner but that was it.  The rest of the night he was fussy and refused to sleep or be put down.  We kept trying to put him to sleep in his bassinet but he wasn’t having it.  We’d have to hold him until he calmed down and stopped crying.  Then he’d seem to fall asleep, but as soon as we tried to put him down he’d start crying again.  Eventually I think Joe just ended up letting him sleep on his lap in the recliner.  It was either that position or on top of my chest laying on the couch (like our skin to skin contact at the hospital immediately after birth) that soothed him to sleep.