Changes In My Body

I definitely noticed changes in my body.  It’s kind of confusing and strange.  My libido has dropped off the face of the earth since I got pregnant. I also noticed that I have a lot of liquid discharge.  And besides the constant nausea I’m starting to feel tired all the time.  I slept today until 1:30pm.  I actually prefer being tired and sleeping to feeling nauseated so I’d rather sleep all day than deal with feeling nauseous.  I’m trying everything I can to combat the nausea.  I’m taking the medication, I got some ginger ale, saltine crackers, lemon ginger tea, ginger chews.  I keep nibbling on small things all day.  The only time I seem not to be nauseous is when I’m actually eating but I can’t just eat constantly all day. The ginger ale seems to give relief for up to 20 minutes.  So far, it’s helping the most.  This nausea is making me pretty miserable.  I told Joe I want to be put in chryo sleep until the baby comes.  I always wanted two kids but I kind of already hate being pregnant and might have to reconsider that.  I know it’s for an amazing cause and I truly do want to be a mom and I’ve wanted this baby for so many years but being pregnant sucks.  I feel horrible all day every day.  I knew pregnancy wasn’t going to be a walk in the park but I know a lot of women have minimal to no discomfort during pregnancy.  Why am I being punished?  I honestly think if every woman felt this bad while pregnant, there’s no way people would have more than one kid.

Last Aerial Class

Today I had my last Aerial class.  It was really sad for me.  I didn’t want to quit but I’m basically getting too nauseous to even participate in classes now as it is.  I’m between 5 and 6 weeks and my doctor told me I can continue classes up to 10 weeks before having to modify as long as I don’t do any pelvic balancing or put any weight on my pelvis.  So there was already some tricks I wasn’t able to do.  I definitely feel like I could have gone so much farther and I’m really going to miss it but I keep telling myself that I’m getting something better because I get to have a baby and all the sacrifices are worth it.  Joe keeps encouraging me to go back once I’m able so hopefully we’ll see.  I’m secretly hoping our kid gets into Aerial like me and I can send them to circus classes when they’re older.  I actually secretly hope our kids take after me.  Joe was joking about how if the baby ends up taking after him, it’s never going to sleep at night since he's a serious night owl.  I did not think that was funny.  I am bummed about having to quit.  I think I was getting pretty good at Lyra and Trapeze.  I wasn't bad at Hammock or Spanish Web but I was really just starting those.  I’m not going to consider this a closed chapter of my life.  Just one that’s put on hold as I begin a new one.

Skipping My Medicine was a Big Mistake

So not taking the medicine last night was a huge mistake.  I’ve been feeling sick and awful all day.  I can’t wait until I can take it tonight.  This nausea is making me absolutely miserable.  It says to take it on an empty stomach before bed so I’m not sure if it’s okay to take it now or not.  But literally feeling like I’m going to throw up all day long is horrible.  I had a feeling being pregnant was going to feel kind of miserable but I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle it if it lasts the whole pregnancy.

Nausea Getting Worse

The nausea has continued and is getting worse.  Basically I feel like I’m going to throw up all day long.  I have trouble sleeping and just being awake.  I got my prescription for Diclegis yesterday which says to take before bed as I guess it makes you really sleepy too.  I took it last night and it worked a miracle.  I had the best night’s sleep I’ve had in two weeks.  I didn’t have any nausea in the morning so it seemed to last until the afternoon.  I started getting nausea again in the later afternoon.  I really hope this doesn’t last the whole first trimester.  I’ve been kind of miserable.  I heard that someone prone to motion sickness would be more prone to nausea so the odds weren’t in my favor.  I don’t want to be over dependent on medication even though it’s fine to take while pregnant.  It’s specifically for pregnant women (there’s even a picture of a pregnant lady on the actual pill).  I’m going to skip it tonight and see how I feel tomorrow.

Joe took a romantic candlelight shower with me and we laid in bed together holding each other and discussing plans for our lives after the baby is born.  We’re going to need to get a new car.  His is a sports car that’s only a two seater so it isn’t practical for a family.  We don’t want to send our kid to school or really raise it in this area.  The area is not good.  So we have to move before our kid goes to school.  We’re trying to figure out the best place for the nursery.  We have the spare office room but it might be more practical to put the baby in our bedroom for the first few months so it’ll be easier to feed in the night.  Joe has a feeling it’s going to be a girl and he wants to name her Athena since it’s a strong name and she was conceived in Athens.  He says he really feels it’s the right name so I might have to fight him on it.  We ended up taking a nap together which was nice and relaxing.  It’s so wonderful to know that our love created our baby.

Trouble Sleeping

For the past few nights I’ve had trouble sleeping and have been waking up feeling very nauseous.  It’s pretty uncomfortable but last night was worse than usual.  I usually move to the comfy chair in the living room which helps and have taken ginger chews.  I don’t really want to disturb Joe with my tossing and turning.  Usually the nausea goes away after the morning but today it lasted all day long.  I had trouble just standing up to do the dishes.  My doctor prescribed me some medication but I don’t want to take it until I absolutely need it.  Though I haven’t been vomiting I can’t sleep and I don’t feel well.  I went grocery shopping today and felt so fatigued when I got home I took a 2 hour nap.  I honestly feel like it’s too early to for all these symptoms but it’s definitely not just all in my mind.

First Prenatal Dr Vist

Today I had my first prenatal visit with my doctor.  I figured I should tell my doctor though I read online that they don’t typically want to see you until 8 weeks since there isn’t much to see before then.  To my surprise when I called my doctor she asked me to come in today.  They did an ultrasound and I got to see my zygote.  Right now it’s just a circle with a little dot inside of it but it’s so cool and amazing.  There’s no heartbeat yet but they scheduled me to come back in 3 weeks (originally they wanted 2 but I’m out of town then).  I texted Joe as I was leaving the doctor’s office and he called me right away.  He said it was amazing.  I showed him the print out of our embryo when he got home.  Then we started joking about my zygote and the size of it.  This is so amazing!  The most incredible thing I think I’ve ever experienced!  Actually seeing it somehow made it even more real.

Cramping

I had some light cramping in the night.  Lately I’ve been getting uncomfortable trying to sleep in bed and have moved to the living room chair which I found to be more comfortable.  One night I had nausea (no vomiting or anything, just a churning stomach and that feeling in the back of my throat).  One night I think I had heart burn or something.  Last night I had cramping.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I guess I’m just fidgety. 

Spotting

Today I had some light spotting.  It was just some smearing on the paper but it was red.  I looked up a ton of forums on the internet.  Everyone was saying that it’s normal in the first trimester since the egg is embedding itself in my uterus.  They call it implantation bleeding.  But I couldn’t help but freak out and keep checking.  I ended up reading an article online about a woman who had an early miscarriage and started crying.  I was honestly just worrying myself sick but knowing the first 3 months are high risk for miscarriage is terrifying.  I know that if you’re going to miscarry, it’s just going to happen.  Sometimes the pregnancy just doesn’t stick and there’s not really anything you can do to stop it or really even cause it.  It’s luck of the draw but it’s scary and depressing as hell to think about.

I'm Pregnant!

I had been waking up at 5am the last couple days.  Probably in anticipation of taking the tests.  This morning I was up again at 5am and my test was definitely positive!  I was so excited I couldn’t stop looking at it.  Joe was at his office but hurried home to view the results.  “We did it!” He’d been so confident it would happen right away all along.  He kissed me and we sat on the couch together hugging.  He jokingly said, “Yup, I knew I’d do it on the first try.”  We laughed.  I was so happy, I just didn’t think there was any way I could keep it to myself.  I texted a picture of the positive test to my friend an hour before we were supposed to meet for a cooking class.  At class she came over and hugged me.  We were both smiling and I started jumping up and down in excitement.  Our other friend we were taking the class with showed up and I couldn’t help but tell her.  She hugged me. 

I know technically you aren’t supposed to tell anyone until 12 weeks but I want my closest friends to know.  If something happens I would need love and support to deal with that anyway as it would devastate me.  So I decided early on to tell my closest friends.  When I got home I texted my best friend from college.  I had only told her we were trying the week before.  I sent her a picture of the positive test with a text “Well, that was fast.”  Her response, “Good lord.  I’ll be excited once I get over being baffled at how little time that took.”  She immediately volunteered to throw me a baby shower.  I emailed the picture to my best friend from high school with the title Ok, I lied.  I had just talked to her on Thursday regarding my trip to the east coast in Aug.  She asked me if I was pregnant and I’d told her no since I had the negative test that morning.  She said she’ll definitely fly out here for the baby shower.  I still can’t believe this is finally really happening!  It’s seems so unreal.

Second Test

My breasts felt kind of sore toward the end of the day yesterday so I figured I was about to get my period even though I typically don’t get sore breasts during my period.  But it didn’t come.  I took another test on Friday morning.  This one had a very faint second line.  It was faint but definitely there.  Again, trying to be rational and not get all crazy excited but all day I kept thinking, “OMG!  This could be it!  I think I’m really pregnant!”  I was super antsy trying to get through the work day.  Couldn’t really sit still.  I texted my friend the picture.  She said it’s exciting but the line is so faint that the stick doesn’t even look sure.  There wasn’t much to do except wait to test again tomorrow morning.  I stopped by Walgreens on the way home and got another pregnancy test.  Prenatal vitamins were on sale buy one get one 50 percent off so I got two, just in case.  I had started taking Vitafusion prenatal gummies on Monday out of hopefulness.

Negative Pregnancy Test

Ever since I stopped taking the pill I always spot for 3-4 days before I get my period which usually comes on Wed but sometimes Thurs.  It was actually kind of nice to have a little bit of a warning before it arrived.  This time I didn’t have really any spotting but I didn’t want to get my hopes up.  On Monday night I had a tiny bit of cramping and on Tuesday I had a very tiny bit of spotting.  I figured it was a sign that I wasn’t pregnant.  But it stopped.  And my period didn’t come on Wed.  I was still trying not to get my hopes up but I was dying with anticipation. I got a pregnancy test and took it this morning.  It was negative.  

I felt pretty sad but there was nothing to be done about it.  What are the chances of getting pregnant the first month of trying anyway?  Joe told me not to feel sad.  That we’ll just try again next month.  I know it was early to test on the first day of a missed period so I was kind of holding out hope that maybe it was a false negative.  At work I felt nauseous all day.  I know nausea doesn’t start for 4-5 weeks so I figured I was just making myself sick and sad.  Maybe because I wanted it so badly it was all in my mind.  I randomly broke down and cried for a couple minutes.  Odd and not really something I would tell people but I just felt sad.  It’s kind of ridiculous in hindsight to get so sad so early on but it’s something I’ve wanted for so long and struggled with whether or not it would ever happen for me.  I thought that I’d mentally prepared myself that it would take 6 months to a year of trying before success so it's kind of embarrassing to admit I cried for a couple minutes over it.  Not being successful the first month of trying should pretty much be expected.

Ready for the Next Chapter of My Life

Joe and I just got back from our anniversary trip to Greece last week.  Our anniversary was June 13th and we decided that during our anniversary trip we were going to start trying for a baby.  I've always wanted to have children and while I was originally disappointed that it was taking so long to get my life in order and actually head toward that path, it wasn't the right time.  I feel like now is.  At first when we got married in 2014 I wanted to start trying right away but we talked about how it would be nice to spend a year to enjoy our marriage and to go on one last trip to Europe.  We have gone to Europe every year since 2009.  Knowing that we were going to start a family, we realized we probably wouldn't be able to take another trip for a while and decided to have one last one for our anniversary.

Before deciding to actually go for it I did struggle a little with the decision.  It was something I really wanted for a very long time and definitely felt ready for but I really liked my life the way it was.  The idea of it changing forever and taking on such a responsibility was scary.  I knew someday I'd become a mother and my life would never be the same so I spent my entire 20's doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.  I traveled all over the world and experienced life to the fullest.  I spent my entire 20's being selfish because I knew that there would be a lot of sacrifices I'd have to make for my family.  And it was great.  And I worried about how different things would be.  I worried about how my relationships with my friends would change and about how my relationship with my husband would change.  But I knew it was time.

I was on the pill for 13 years and it was great.  I never had any problems with it and it made my periods painless.  I talked to a lot of people my age and they all said it took them 6 months to a year of trying before getting pregnant so I decided that I'd stop taking my pill and just switch to condoms a year before I actually wanted to start trying knowing that if something happened before then, I'd be okay with it.  That was when I turned 30.  So when we decided to start trying, I counted out 14 days from my period and planned our anniversary trip for when I thought I'd be ovulating and made sure we tried 3 days before, the day of and 3 days after the guessed date.  So we'll see what happens.