I went to my Uncle’s wife’s
daughter’s wedding in Virginia. I like my uncle and wanted to visit him. Plus, I figured it would be good to see my parents and tell them about the pregnancy. I'm somewhat estranged from them and only see them every 5 years or so at my uncle's when they're on their best behavior. I would never ever go visit them in their home or ever stay in their house but my uncle is a good mediator to keep them from acting rude and crazy.
At first my dad seemed happy about it. My mom usually doesn't react to anything. My dad has the same five stories about me and my brother from when we were infants that he always tells when he's happy and reminiscing about us. I honestly think it's all he remembers about us. As the night progressed his behavior worsened and it really reinforced why I stay away from them. Neither one of my parents can relate to me at all as an adult. They don't know me or understand how to interact with me now. My dad just kept treating me like a child. At first he started to yell at me for not inviting him to my wedding and said I hurt him by not letting him give me away. That's a whole other story but I don't believe in giving the bride away and I don't feel that my father had earned the right anyway. I had been engaged before and both my parents and my brother had been rude and uncaring. My parents have a very negative view of marriage and I didn't want them at my wedding. Honestly, my wedding wasn't about my parents and I was happier that they weren't there. I had to keep reminding my dad that we were at someone else's wedding and it wasn't the time to argue with me or have an outburst. Later after he'd calmed down he kept rubbing the top of my head and messing up my hair. Something you would do to a grade schooler. I told him to stop several times and when he didn't I moved chairs. I decided that the best way to handle them was to just walk away whenever my dad started to treat me rudely. My brother sat with my dad and tried to explain to him that we're grown now and he can't treat us like kids anymore and he has to respect us. My dad kept insisting that we were still his kids no matter what. The night was a pattern of me walking away to enjoy the wedding, my dad calling me back to try to spend time with me but saying something mean or inappropriate and me walking away again. The final straw was when he started criticizing my weight again and telling me that my legs were fat. I wish I could say I was surprised that he would criticize his pregnant daughter's weight, but I wasn't. I told him that I would not talk to him or interact with him again for the rest of the night and if he couldn't say anything nice to me I wouldn't talk to him at all. My dad is just a bully. He can't talk to someone without putting them down and I'm really just not going to stand for it.
I also got to talk to my brother a bit and meet his girlfriend. My brother and I are also estranged. After I left for college he fell in with a party crowd and became an alcoholic. A lot of bad stuff happened to him because of his alcoholism (including jail time) and at first I tried to help and talk him out of doing what he was doing but he refused to change or even admit that he had a problem. Eventually I realized you can't help a person unless they actually want to change. The only thing I could do was protect myself and distance myself from him and the whole situation. He seems better now (at least more positive, he was a huge jerk when he was drinking before) but he still drinks a lot and an alcoholic is either drinking or not drinking. I think before he was an angry drunk but now with his girlfriend he seems like a happier drunk. I guess that's something.
Everything about traveling to Virginia for the wedding was a little stressful and really uncomfortable. My uncle let me stay with him but there were a lot of other family members staying with him as well for the wedding. It was a full house and everything was loud. Plus, I was feeling sick and nauseous the entire time. I tried to be as low maintenance and courteous as I could because the other family members staying there were all definitely high maintenance and there was a lot of stress in the house. I kind of felt bad for my uncle because he couldn't please everyone and it was pretty much a mad house. My birthday was also the day before the wedding. I kept joking with everyone before I left that it was going to be my own real life version of the Sixteen Candles movie. And it totally was.
At first my dad seemed happy about it. My mom usually doesn't react to anything. My dad has the same five stories about me and my brother from when we were infants that he always tells when he's happy and reminiscing about us. I honestly think it's all he remembers about us. As the night progressed his behavior worsened and it really reinforced why I stay away from them. Neither one of my parents can relate to me at all as an adult. They don't know me or understand how to interact with me now. My dad just kept treating me like a child. At first he started to yell at me for not inviting him to my wedding and said I hurt him by not letting him give me away. That's a whole other story but I don't believe in giving the bride away and I don't feel that my father had earned the right anyway. I had been engaged before and both my parents and my brother had been rude and uncaring. My parents have a very negative view of marriage and I didn't want them at my wedding. Honestly, my wedding wasn't about my parents and I was happier that they weren't there. I had to keep reminding my dad that we were at someone else's wedding and it wasn't the time to argue with me or have an outburst. Later after he'd calmed down he kept rubbing the top of my head and messing up my hair. Something you would do to a grade schooler. I told him to stop several times and when he didn't I moved chairs. I decided that the best way to handle them was to just walk away whenever my dad started to treat me rudely. My brother sat with my dad and tried to explain to him that we're grown now and he can't treat us like kids anymore and he has to respect us. My dad kept insisting that we were still his kids no matter what. The night was a pattern of me walking away to enjoy the wedding, my dad calling me back to try to spend time with me but saying something mean or inappropriate and me walking away again. The final straw was when he started criticizing my weight again and telling me that my legs were fat. I wish I could say I was surprised that he would criticize his pregnant daughter's weight, but I wasn't. I told him that I would not talk to him or interact with him again for the rest of the night and if he couldn't say anything nice to me I wouldn't talk to him at all. My dad is just a bully. He can't talk to someone without putting them down and I'm really just not going to stand for it.
I also got to talk to my brother a bit and meet his girlfriend. My brother and I are also estranged. After I left for college he fell in with a party crowd and became an alcoholic. A lot of bad stuff happened to him because of his alcoholism (including jail time) and at first I tried to help and talk him out of doing what he was doing but he refused to change or even admit that he had a problem. Eventually I realized you can't help a person unless they actually want to change. The only thing I could do was protect myself and distance myself from him and the whole situation. He seems better now (at least more positive, he was a huge jerk when he was drinking before) but he still drinks a lot and an alcoholic is either drinking or not drinking. I think before he was an angry drunk but now with his girlfriend he seems like a happier drunk. I guess that's something.
Everything about traveling to Virginia for the wedding was a little stressful and really uncomfortable. My uncle let me stay with him but there were a lot of other family members staying with him as well for the wedding. It was a full house and everything was loud. Plus, I was feeling sick and nauseous the entire time. I tried to be as low maintenance and courteous as I could because the other family members staying there were all definitely high maintenance and there was a lot of stress in the house. I kind of felt bad for my uncle because he couldn't please everyone and it was pretty much a mad house. My birthday was also the day before the wedding. I kept joking with everyone before I left that it was going to be my own real life version of the Sixteen Candles movie. And it totally was.
No comments:
Post a Comment